So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
