Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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