i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
