so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
