dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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