I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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