I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I met the friendliest cop last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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