adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
