The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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