There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
