We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
