well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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