Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
