Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
