Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
