very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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