I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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