someone owes me an orgasm
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
