she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
