I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
