giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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