I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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