I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
