i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
