Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
