We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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