just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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