What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
