Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
