Soap is not a condiment
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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