you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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