Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
