I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
