Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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