I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
