was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
