At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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