It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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