I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
