you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
