Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is classic penis vs brain.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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