Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
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I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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