i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
