Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
