Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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