Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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