the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i out mim tonsoeep
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
