Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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