he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
