How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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