how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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