I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
