Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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