don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
