You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
