Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
