I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
