The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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