the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
