I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
