Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Mom said you looked used
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
