There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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