I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
