just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
