I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
