You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
