I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
