Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
