yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
