I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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