...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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