she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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