what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
