How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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