I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
