What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
