i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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