Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
