'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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