Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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