he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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