btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
