i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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