my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
