then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
