you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Watching her eat just hurts me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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